The Lucky Loser

I love losing weight.

When I was young I was always too thin. I always felt small.

Now when I see my physique, it angers and saddens me. Oh I finally got bigger. Significantly bigger.

My wife (echotig) and I have started and abandoned several diets. Atkins and Southbeach just left me starving all the time. Now I have some new arrows in the quiver: my wife’s friends. They all joined weight watchers. So they go to their meetings and my lovely bride stays a bit more motivated. This works for me because she will not sabotage my diet anymore. If she cooks it, I can’t resist it.

So now, armed with my new artificial discipline, I am losing weight.

I am trying to put on the muscles at the same time. This is tough because I’m making due. I want a punching bag and some kettlebells. But, we are currently broke so I am making due with my shadow and a 30lb dumbbell. As fat as I am, my shadow resembles a punching bag.

My love handles have been shrinking. Old pants fit again. My chest, arms and abs are tightening up. I’m loving life.

Next target: get rid of the gut. My goals are a 32 inch waist, enormous shoulders, and the ability to do the splits again. There is also a large navy seal that has been kicking my but at grappling. I would really like to give him a good whipping at least once.

Finally, I want my wife to look at me the way she looks at Matthew McConaughey. I know she loves me but it’s been a while since she was impressed with my belly. That is impressed in a good way.

So, wish me luck. Lucky loser. I think I like that.